Actually....I didn't find the blog, I found the picture of the eggs in the bowl first on my computer....which reminded me of this blog! I have to say, I find that to be the most hilarious part of getting back here! So, to blog, or not to blog...that is the question.
Admittedly, I've seen some pretty impressive blogs over the past few years. Really cool templates, pictures all over, amazing graphics. THATS the blog I want. Where's that blog exactly? I'd like someone to create all that for me and then pick me up and plop me down in the middle of it and start typing away!
So much of that part of the journey I had forgotten....so I am glad that I wrote it down. Just to close the loop since my last post(2 years ago!). There were 6 embyros that made it to blastocyte stage. (again, this ratios thing....18 fertilized eggs, quickly down to 6). BUT they were the best 6 obviously because they made it to blast. Reproductive Endocrinologists have really made advances over the years in picking and choosing the perfect eggs. Essentially, docs were transferring "duds" into uteruses (hmm...is that really the plural??), but no one knew it. Lots and lots of heartache surrounding that process. Thankfully we are a little more savvy in giving eggs & sperm in petri dishes the best possible ways to make themselves into embryoes. All for a small fee of course. :-)
2 were transferred to me and 4 were put in cryo. Just for the record, it cost $350.00 to put them on a plane and send them out to Colorado to the cryo bank. Seriously? I mean they are so tiny, they really can't take up that much room....especially a whole seat!
I DID get pregnant with 2 of those embryoes....with twins! However, at about the 6th week I miscarried them. I'm quite sure this is the exact reason I stopped writing this blog. Actually, it's the exact reason I stopped writing anything at all. It was a long, long grieving process. I wasn't on a roller coaster ride any longer....I'd been thrown off a cliff. The bridge was out.....
I am blessed with amazing family and wonderful friends. Even as I type it, it doesn't sound as much as it really means. Most of these people have watched me go through hell and back dealing with infertility. The endless medical tests, the highs and lows, the crazy outburts (granted, yes, some of that is my personality :-P), the destruction of my body from hormone therapy, the emotional carnage I found myself in. It's this network of folks who love me and care about me that has kept my head above water. Forever grateful.....
And now....through the amazing gift of one of my dearest friends.....I will be blessed with a baby girl in April.
All evening I have been online trying to find a baby book for our child. As you can tell our story is just more than "mom" "dad" and "our pets" There were alot of people who are a part of this child's story....and she needs to know every single piece of it. So, I'm searching for baby books that fall under the "alternative" family. Finding the blog helps me to fill in those pages....provided I find that perfect book of course!
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Sunday, January 20, 2008
The game of ratios....
It's funny because this whole blog consists of betting anologies about my infertility. But in all honesty, it really kind of is!
"I'll place $15,000 on the egg in slot number 24"
And then your number doesn't come up. And you just lost your moula. I don't even think I want to put down in print the amount of money we've spent on this journey! Money we've put down with no guarantees whatsoever......just like gambling.
So, my past 5 IVF egg retrievals have gone something along the lines of...
15 Follicles retrieved
7 mature eggs
Day 1 Fertilization: 3 fertilized
Day 3 Fertiliaztion: 1 fertilized
That's probably about an average. I've never made it to a 5 day transfer nor have I had any "extra" to be able to freeze for future use. So when I say it's a game of ratios...this is what I mean. We start out big...and dwindle down. Hell, there was even one cyle that all the embryoes died and I had nothing to transfer. Then there was the wonderful cycle where all my eggs ovulated on thier own...and I was just out all the money, time and emotion of that cycle.
Needless to say I've had my fair share of bad news when it comes to egg retrievals and fertility reports.
April had her egg retrieval yesterday. J and I drove down to supply the sperm deposit required of course to turn eggs into embryos. So as you can tell, I've really had no participation into this whole "getting pregnant" event. Seriously, it's had nothing to do with me this whole time. April just needed a few meds to pump her up, J just needed a cup. Me...I'm just reading a book on the sidelines.
Now obviously being on the sidelines just isn't my cup of tea. So of course it's been very hard. I am supportive of April and J in their respective jobs here, but talk about sitting on the bench waiting for a turn!
Egg retrieval is hard on the body. If you're not familiar with the process it goes something like this. You are sedated, laid on a table with some very full overies, the doctor inserts a pipette through your vagina, cervix, uterus, ovaries to extract all those follicles. You wake up feeling like someone punched you in the gut. Twice. Extra hard. It's still hard to believe she signed up for this. Voluntarily. Without knowing me.
But she did. And she did it well!! Her ER went well, there were no problems and she went through without a hitch. She also gave us 19 mature eggs. ALL 19 were mature. ALL of them. And then we got the fert report today. 18 of them fertilized. 18!! ALL FREAKING 18!!! Oh my God!
Okay....batter up!!
"I'll place $15,000 on the egg in slot number 24"
And then your number doesn't come up. And you just lost your moula. I don't even think I want to put down in print the amount of money we've spent on this journey! Money we've put down with no guarantees whatsoever......just like gambling.
So, my past 5 IVF egg retrievals have gone something along the lines of...
15 Follicles retrieved
7 mature eggs
Day 1 Fertilization: 3 fertilized
Day 3 Fertiliaztion: 1 fertilized
That's probably about an average. I've never made it to a 5 day transfer nor have I had any "extra" to be able to freeze for future use. So when I say it's a game of ratios...this is what I mean. We start out big...and dwindle down. Hell, there was even one cyle that all the embryoes died and I had nothing to transfer. Then there was the wonderful cycle where all my eggs ovulated on thier own...and I was just out all the money, time and emotion of that cycle.
Needless to say I've had my fair share of bad news when it comes to egg retrievals and fertility reports.
April had her egg retrieval yesterday. J and I drove down to supply the sperm deposit required of course to turn eggs into embryos. So as you can tell, I've really had no participation into this whole "getting pregnant" event. Seriously, it's had nothing to do with me this whole time. April just needed a few meds to pump her up, J just needed a cup. Me...I'm just reading a book on the sidelines.
Now obviously being on the sidelines just isn't my cup of tea. So of course it's been very hard. I am supportive of April and J in their respective jobs here, but talk about sitting on the bench waiting for a turn!
Egg retrieval is hard on the body. If you're not familiar with the process it goes something like this. You are sedated, laid on a table with some very full overies, the doctor inserts a pipette through your vagina, cervix, uterus, ovaries to extract all those follicles. You wake up feeling like someone punched you in the gut. Twice. Extra hard. It's still hard to believe she signed up for this. Voluntarily. Without knowing me.
But she did. And she did it well!! Her ER went well, there were no problems and she went through without a hitch. She also gave us 19 mature eggs. ALL 19 were mature. ALL of them. And then we got the fert report today. 18 of them fertilized. 18!! ALL FREAKING 18!!! Oh my God!
Okay....batter up!!
Thursday, January 17, 2008
The fast track of Egg Donation
......and what seems like in the blink of an eye, everything is ready for egg retrieval.
April also passed that all important 2nd round of testing and her lab work was good, she started stimming meds without difficult and before I knew it...April's ready.
Listen, do you know there's a Hallmark card out there for this? I'm not lying. It's in thier "Journeys" collection. I picked it up for April.
As of today's report, April has 15 follicles that are ready to be plucked. And they plan to do exactly (eggsactly...hahah) that on Saturday-just 2 days from today. She takes a trigger shot tonight of HCG which is the final drug that puts the "glow" on those follicles before they are removed 36 hours later.
I wonder if this has been a stressful week for her? Do you think she was hoping for a certain number of follicles? Do you think she's afraid of disappointing me? Is she hoping and wishing as much as me? I have to think somewhere along the way it's more than a $5000 ordeal for her. I guess in my heart of hearts, I have to believe that or it feels a bit sour. I wonder if she thinks about me at all.....
So now all of the shots are in my court now! I had it real easy these last couple of weeks, but now man the pressure is on! I got my new meds calendar today and I have a bunch of shots tomorrow, then every other day until transfer in about 6 days.
6 days!!! Holy cow!!!
April also passed that all important 2nd round of testing and her lab work was good, she started stimming meds without difficult and before I knew it...April's ready.
Listen, do you know there's a Hallmark card out there for this? I'm not lying. It's in thier "Journeys" collection. I picked it up for April.
As of today's report, April has 15 follicles that are ready to be plucked. And they plan to do exactly (eggsactly...hahah) that on Saturday-just 2 days from today. She takes a trigger shot tonight of HCG which is the final drug that puts the "glow" on those follicles before they are removed 36 hours later.
I wonder if this has been a stressful week for her? Do you think she was hoping for a certain number of follicles? Do you think she's afraid of disappointing me? Is she hoping and wishing as much as me? I have to think somewhere along the way it's more than a $5000 ordeal for her. I guess in my heart of hearts, I have to believe that or it feels a bit sour. I wonder if she thinks about me at all.....
So now all of the shots are in my court now! I had it real easy these last couple of weeks, but now man the pressure is on! I got my new meds calendar today and I have a bunch of shots tomorrow, then every other day until transfer in about 6 days.
6 days!!! Holy cow!!!
Can I ever catch up?
Now I was supposed to be blogging and blogging every piece of this puzzle so that I could look back on this and remember as much as possible. This is obviously the craziest thing that I've ever experienced in my lifetime, and how am I going to remember all the feelings and emotions that I had along the way. I'm sure I've had many.
First, let's get caught up.
Needless to say, we had to find another donor. What a tedious process to say the least. It's a search and a search and a review of hundreds of girls who just feel their eggs are the best. Of course for a mere $5000 to $10000 stipend, they'd be happy to share with you. I'm not trying to be snarky by any means, so please don't think that. I know they are making a huge committment and personal sacrifice to get poked, prodded, to appointments, etc. All for someone they don't know. I don't take that lightly.
So you can imagine what became really important, really fast. Money. When I first looked through donors, I was looking for eye color, hair color, etc. Then as the cycle approached I began to worry about things like responsiblity, ability to follow instructions, etc. (That's not a question they ask on the donor profile, by the way.) But this go-round I had to get down to brass tacks here. How much is the stipend? What will I have to pay in travel expenses for her? ....that's all it began to boil down to.
So I ended up with a list of about 7 names and told the company of my choices and wanted more info and more pictures. Of those 7 girls.....2 were actually available, and weren't pregnant at the time (no, the irony doesn't escape me). So I chose 1...felt pretty thrilled with my choice considering the financial restraints I was working in! She also had green eyes! (my color)
She went for her first round of FDA testing. .....and failed. What the HELL!??!?!? Seriously, this was becoming a real nuisance! Was there no one out there that could pass a freaking blood test? So that left me with 1 donor.......
April is her name. Now April has proven to be a pretty swell choice. She passed her first round of testing (yes! one hurdle down) and from reports from the office staff she was "really nice." Okay folks, this is good. I like a girl with a nice personality who gets along with people, it just makes things run a whole lot smoother.
Choosing a donor is just an experience that was very difficult for me. Not because of the situation itself that leads me to need donor eggs in the first place, but because of lack of connection. I wanted to be anonymous...I still do. But I also am a person who likes to connect to people in a real way. What's April like when she's happy? What's she like when she's stressed? Does she have a "story" ? (Everyone has a story of course.) It's all just odd not to have those pieces of the puzzle together in my head...and ultimately my heart I think.
First, let's get caught up.
Needless to say, we had to find another donor. What a tedious process to say the least. It's a search and a search and a review of hundreds of girls who just feel their eggs are the best. Of course for a mere $5000 to $10000 stipend, they'd be happy to share with you. I'm not trying to be snarky by any means, so please don't think that. I know they are making a huge committment and personal sacrifice to get poked, prodded, to appointments, etc. All for someone they don't know. I don't take that lightly.
So you can imagine what became really important, really fast. Money. When I first looked through donors, I was looking for eye color, hair color, etc. Then as the cycle approached I began to worry about things like responsiblity, ability to follow instructions, etc. (That's not a question they ask on the donor profile, by the way.) But this go-round I had to get down to brass tacks here. How much is the stipend? What will I have to pay in travel expenses for her? ....that's all it began to boil down to.
So I ended up with a list of about 7 names and told the company of my choices and wanted more info and more pictures. Of those 7 girls.....2 were actually available, and weren't pregnant at the time (no, the irony doesn't escape me). So I chose 1...felt pretty thrilled with my choice considering the financial restraints I was working in! She also had green eyes! (my color)
She went for her first round of FDA testing. .....and failed. What the HELL!??!?!? Seriously, this was becoming a real nuisance! Was there no one out there that could pass a freaking blood test? So that left me with 1 donor.......
April is her name. Now April has proven to be a pretty swell choice. She passed her first round of testing (yes! one hurdle down) and from reports from the office staff she was "really nice." Okay folks, this is good. I like a girl with a nice personality who gets along with people, it just makes things run a whole lot smoother.
Choosing a donor is just an experience that was very difficult for me. Not because of the situation itself that leads me to need donor eggs in the first place, but because of lack of connection. I wanted to be anonymous...I still do. But I also am a person who likes to connect to people in a real way. What's April like when she's happy? What's she like when she's stressed? Does she have a "story" ? (Everyone has a story of course.) It's all just odd not to have those pieces of the puzzle together in my head...and ultimately my heart I think.
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
I Need to Play the Ponies- I got some crazy odds!
We know this egg donor thing is a difficult process. It has twists, turns, challenges, unexpected dips and dives. And that's BEFORE the government gets involved.
In 2005 the FDA began regulating testing on egg donors and determining what "kicked" them out of donating eggs. There has to be testing during a certain time frame right before the actual retrieval. Many in the medical field feel it's too narrow of a window, and many patients lose precious time and money should something go wrong.
And that's exactly what happened to me.
Brianne went for her baseline labs and u/s just like me on Friday, like the good patient she is known to be, and the responsible egg donor she is she also picked up all her medications she was due to start on Tuesday.
On Monday, her test results came back. And she tested positive for something (something they'll never tell me of course). Nonetheless she is ineligible to donate by FDA rules and in fact what ever she has kicks her out of donating for the next year. She also had to start some sort of medication too. Now she had her first set of testing done on September 1st, and all was well. However on this October 12th date....she tested positive for something. And just like that...Brianne was out of the picture.
Which means I'm out a donor.
Which means the cycle is canceled.
Oddly, I wasn't devasted...or in despair, or in anguish. Actually, I was downright pissed. Talk about feeling robbed!!! I was furious at Brianne, for reason I don't know. I have no idea what she has that took her out of our cycle, but of course she got the brunt of my anger. It's not like that's all easy either because I certainly can't call her on the phone and yell in her ear. Then panic sets in.
When is the next cycle I can get in?
What about my $8,000 I paid to have Brianne on my books?
Where are these $2500 worth of meds now?
Could I just randomly start asking women on the street to donate an egg or two to me?
After 48hours of pure hell and lots of information gathering, here's what I know.....
January is the soonest I can cycle again.
My $8,000 was never considered "spent" and it was banked.
The meds were returned to the clinic and in safe keeping for me for my next donor.
.....and thus the process begins alllll over again. Choosing another donor.
Now, I guess I consider myself experienced with this process and I have a whole new list of demands and thoughts as I look at the profile of these girls. I want to see that she has a job. I want to see that she's somewhat intelligent. I want to figure out if she's local (so I don't have to pay travel expenses). I want to pay a stipend of no more than $5,000.
257 girls in the database, and I have it narrowed down to 8 girls.
Alisa, Randi, April, Andrea, Connie, Jamie, Angela and Sarah. Just tonight in more profile studying I've crossed off April and Alisa. I'm not sure why anymore, but at the time it seemed appropriate. Trust me you go crossed-eyed looking at these profiles after a couple of hours.
The agency is going to tell me if they are local to my clinic or not. These are all $5,000 girls, so I'm set in that department. Once I find out who's local, then the decision will be made.
I can't believe but just a few days ago 3 nurses and a physician were telling me how wonderful I had done in picking the donor that I did.
And look what happened.
In 2005 the FDA began regulating testing on egg donors and determining what "kicked" them out of donating eggs. There has to be testing during a certain time frame right before the actual retrieval. Many in the medical field feel it's too narrow of a window, and many patients lose precious time and money should something go wrong.
And that's exactly what happened to me.
Brianne went for her baseline labs and u/s just like me on Friday, like the good patient she is known to be, and the responsible egg donor she is she also picked up all her medications she was due to start on Tuesday.
On Monday, her test results came back. And she tested positive for something (something they'll never tell me of course). Nonetheless she is ineligible to donate by FDA rules and in fact what ever she has kicks her out of donating for the next year. She also had to start some sort of medication too. Now she had her first set of testing done on September 1st, and all was well. However on this October 12th date....she tested positive for something. And just like that...Brianne was out of the picture.
Which means I'm out a donor.
Which means the cycle is canceled.
Oddly, I wasn't devasted...or in despair, or in anguish. Actually, I was downright pissed. Talk about feeling robbed!!! I was furious at Brianne, for reason I don't know. I have no idea what she has that took her out of our cycle, but of course she got the brunt of my anger. It's not like that's all easy either because I certainly can't call her on the phone and yell in her ear. Then panic sets in.
When is the next cycle I can get in?
What about my $8,000 I paid to have Brianne on my books?
Where are these $2500 worth of meds now?
Could I just randomly start asking women on the street to donate an egg or two to me?
After 48hours of pure hell and lots of information gathering, here's what I know.....
January is the soonest I can cycle again.
My $8,000 was never considered "spent" and it was banked.
The meds were returned to the clinic and in safe keeping for me for my next donor.
.....and thus the process begins alllll over again. Choosing another donor.
Now, I guess I consider myself experienced with this process and I have a whole new list of demands and thoughts as I look at the profile of these girls. I want to see that she has a job. I want to see that she's somewhat intelligent. I want to figure out if she's local (so I don't have to pay travel expenses). I want to pay a stipend of no more than $5,000.
257 girls in the database, and I have it narrowed down to 8 girls.
Alisa, Randi, April, Andrea, Connie, Jamie, Angela and Sarah. Just tonight in more profile studying I've crossed off April and Alisa. I'm not sure why anymore, but at the time it seemed appropriate. Trust me you go crossed-eyed looking at these profiles after a couple of hours.
The agency is going to tell me if they are local to my clinic or not. These are all $5,000 girls, so I'm set in that department. Once I find out who's local, then the decision will be made.
I can't believe but just a few days ago 3 nurses and a physician were telling me how wonderful I had done in picking the donor that I did.
And look what happened.
A New Twist
Has it really been since September 16th since I posted last? Oh my goodness what a bad "egg" I am! (haha, I crack myself up!) (HA! another one!)
Well the short version to this story is that I was coasting along. Seriously I was a skate right into the finish line. Embryo retrieval from my donor Brianne was scheduled the week of Halloween. I found this to be VERY lucky because it's my favorite holiday! Brianne and I were on the same meds, our cycles were synced up, we were in unison!!!
I went for my "baseline" check last Thursday. Now the deal with baseline is it's the pre-show. The doc gets out his magic wand, aims for the hoo-hoo and takes a peek around in there. I'm not sure what he thinks is in there since the last time he looked in there just 3-4 weeks earlier. But you know, Jimmy Hoffa's body has still not been found.....
Anyway I got a "thumbs up" from Dr. A. Now I wasn't my usual chipper self as I was sitting in that clinic room. Aside from the fact that you know magic wand time isn't really all that fun, I just was having a few surreal moments.
First, I was back in that blasted office. Now I hadn't been there since May. I hadn't been there since I had my own egg retrieval and my precious 3 eggs all died day 2 of fertilization. I had nothing to go into transfer with. This is one of the reasons that we moved to donor egg. My eggs just are old and moldy. So I'm having a bit of a "moment" getting myself all back together being in a place that had such an icky memory. Dr. A is very intuitive (for those of you who are medical that's pretty rare in a person that has MD behind their name...nurses on the other hand...) Anyway, Dr. A says, "What is wrong with you??" So I explain to him how it's all surreal to me, it's a bit of a bummer to be back, it sucks to be in these circumstances and it really blows that I gotta entrust the most important thing in my life to some chick named Brianne whom I'll never meet. He was very reassuring, very sweet and explained that he'd worked with Brianne before and she was "top notch." Brianne was "the perfect donor" Brianne was "smart and right on top of everything." Okay...actually that does help Dr. A!
I walked out of the "Magic Wand" room, and the office staff give me all kinds of kudos for picking Brianne as my donor. By the time I leave I'm pretty much thinking I"m winning the Nobel Prize in Science for being so smart in donor choices! Ironically, Dr. A thought he should send me to get an Estradiol level, just to "make you feel better about everything." I'm thinking, seriously dude, I don't need to get stuck with a needle to feel better. For the record, the level came back perfect.
Again, back to my coasting. I was getting excited!! Retrieval and transfer were just around the corner, the weather was changing, and I'm still on a high from choosing Egg Donor Amazing Woman!
Then Monday came.
Well the short version to this story is that I was coasting along. Seriously I was a skate right into the finish line. Embryo retrieval from my donor Brianne was scheduled the week of Halloween. I found this to be VERY lucky because it's my favorite holiday! Brianne and I were on the same meds, our cycles were synced up, we were in unison!!!
I went for my "baseline" check last Thursday. Now the deal with baseline is it's the pre-show. The doc gets out his magic wand, aims for the hoo-hoo and takes a peek around in there. I'm not sure what he thinks is in there since the last time he looked in there just 3-4 weeks earlier. But you know, Jimmy Hoffa's body has still not been found.....
Anyway I got a "thumbs up" from Dr. A. Now I wasn't my usual chipper self as I was sitting in that clinic room. Aside from the fact that you know magic wand time isn't really all that fun, I just was having a few surreal moments.
First, I was back in that blasted office. Now I hadn't been there since May. I hadn't been there since I had my own egg retrieval and my precious 3 eggs all died day 2 of fertilization. I had nothing to go into transfer with. This is one of the reasons that we moved to donor egg. My eggs just are old and moldy. So I'm having a bit of a "moment" getting myself all back together being in a place that had such an icky memory. Dr. A is very intuitive (for those of you who are medical that's pretty rare in a person that has MD behind their name...nurses on the other hand...) Anyway, Dr. A says, "What is wrong with you??" So I explain to him how it's all surreal to me, it's a bit of a bummer to be back, it sucks to be in these circumstances and it really blows that I gotta entrust the most important thing in my life to some chick named Brianne whom I'll never meet. He was very reassuring, very sweet and explained that he'd worked with Brianne before and she was "top notch." Brianne was "the perfect donor" Brianne was "smart and right on top of everything." Okay...actually that does help Dr. A!
I walked out of the "Magic Wand" room, and the office staff give me all kinds of kudos for picking Brianne as my donor. By the time I leave I'm pretty much thinking I"m winning the Nobel Prize in Science for being so smart in donor choices! Ironically, Dr. A thought he should send me to get an Estradiol level, just to "make you feel better about everything." I'm thinking, seriously dude, I don't need to get stuck with a needle to feel better. For the record, the level came back perfect.
Again, back to my coasting. I was getting excited!! Retrieval and transfer were just around the corner, the weather was changing, and I'm still on a high from choosing Egg Donor Amazing Woman!
Then Monday came.
Sunday, September 16, 2007
Breaking the mold
My mom always told me that they "broke the mold when they made you." Apparently, that turned out more true than she knew!
My DNA will never be replicated. My eggs are in such a state of unhealthiness that there's no way they can fertilize. Or, if they do fertilize, not be able to sustain life. Hence, how I landed in the donor egg world. One of the theories behind my ectopic pregnancy is the thought that bad eggs, hence embroyes, is a warning to Mother Nature. I was doing IVF when I had my ectopic, which is so rare, I should have hit Vegas that same weekend. But it's said that Mother Nature has a way of fixing it's own mistakes, and eventhough it was a pregnancy, it more than likely was not a healthy embryo and it implanted in my Fallopian tube. So, it also means I'm down 1 tube, because that ectopic pretty much destroyed the tube on the left and it had to be removed. Just a body parts count here (because everyone should have one) , I am down 1 Fallopian tube, 1 gallbladder, 2 tonsils. (these are questions medical people ask you, yanno)
Now for some reason it's just occurred to me recently that Brianne's portion of this process is relatively short. Granted, this whacked out relay race doesn't start unless her portion of the race gets started. So as she's passing off the baton to me (last runner in the race) it dawned on me that truly, I have the most important part. I mean really, the last leg is where you always put your best runner. For awhile now I've felt that because I didn't contribute DNA, it meant I wasn't really contributing at all. (I'm not promising rational thoughts here with this blog). But my contribution to a pregnancy is actually quite important. Yes, Brianne must provide the eggs, she passes the baton to the clinic, the clinic passes the eggs on to J's sperm, the new sperm/egg combo is passed off to the embryologist who helps it along as best as possible, the embryo is then passed on to me and implanted in my uterus. Granted, there's a LOT of people in this relay race and a LOT of passing of the baton. But ultimately...they are doing it all to get to the final goal, the last leg, the destination of a uterine home that will sustain life.
So creating life or sustaining life....which is higher on the "important scale?" Both. You can't have one without the other. It just so happens that in my case, they take place in 2 separate bodies.
So, thanks Brianne, for starting the race.
My DNA will never be replicated. My eggs are in such a state of unhealthiness that there's no way they can fertilize. Or, if they do fertilize, not be able to sustain life. Hence, how I landed in the donor egg world. One of the theories behind my ectopic pregnancy is the thought that bad eggs, hence embroyes, is a warning to Mother Nature. I was doing IVF when I had my ectopic, which is so rare, I should have hit Vegas that same weekend. But it's said that Mother Nature has a way of fixing it's own mistakes, and eventhough it was a pregnancy, it more than likely was not a healthy embryo and it implanted in my Fallopian tube. So, it also means I'm down 1 tube, because that ectopic pretty much destroyed the tube on the left and it had to be removed. Just a body parts count here (because everyone should have one) , I am down 1 Fallopian tube, 1 gallbladder, 2 tonsils. (these are questions medical people ask you, yanno)
Now for some reason it's just occurred to me recently that Brianne's portion of this process is relatively short. Granted, this whacked out relay race doesn't start unless her portion of the race gets started. So as she's passing off the baton to me (last runner in the race) it dawned on me that truly, I have the most important part. I mean really, the last leg is where you always put your best runner. For awhile now I've felt that because I didn't contribute DNA, it meant I wasn't really contributing at all. (I'm not promising rational thoughts here with this blog). But my contribution to a pregnancy is actually quite important. Yes, Brianne must provide the eggs, she passes the baton to the clinic, the clinic passes the eggs on to J's sperm, the new sperm/egg combo is passed off to the embryologist who helps it along as best as possible, the embryo is then passed on to me and implanted in my uterus. Granted, there's a LOT of people in this relay race and a LOT of passing of the baton. But ultimately...they are doing it all to get to the final goal, the last leg, the destination of a uterine home that will sustain life.
So creating life or sustaining life....which is higher on the "important scale?" Both. You can't have one without the other. It just so happens that in my case, they take place in 2 separate bodies.
So, thanks Brianne, for starting the race.
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