Can I ever catch up?

Now I was supposed to be blogging and blogging every piece of this puzzle so that I could look back on this and remember as much as possible. This is obviously the craziest thing that I've ever experienced in my lifetime, and how am I going to remember all the feelings and emotions that I had along the way. I'm sure I've had many.

First, let's get caught up.

Needless to say, we had to find another donor. What a tedious process to say the least. It's a search and a search and a review of hundreds of girls who just feel their eggs are the best. Of course for a mere $5000 to $10000 stipend, they'd be happy to share with you. I'm not trying to be snarky by any means, so please don't think that. I know they are making a huge committment and personal sacrifice to get poked, prodded, to appointments, etc. All for someone they don't know. I don't take that lightly.

So you can imagine what became really important, really fast. Money. When I first looked through donors, I was looking for eye color, hair color, etc. Then as the cycle approached I began to worry about things like responsiblity, ability to follow instructions, etc. (That's not a question they ask on the donor profile, by the way.) But this go-round I had to get down to brass tacks here. How much is the stipend? What will I have to pay in travel expenses for her? ....that's all it began to boil down to.

So I ended up with a list of about 7 names and told the company of my choices and wanted more info and more pictures. Of those 7 girls.....2 were actually available, and weren't pregnant at the time (no, the irony doesn't escape me). So I chose 1...felt pretty thrilled with my choice considering the financial restraints I was working in! She also had green eyes! (my color)

She went for her first round of FDA testing. .....and failed. What the HELL!??!?!? Seriously, this was becoming a real nuisance! Was there no one out there that could pass a freaking blood test? So that left me with 1 donor.......

April is her name. Now April has proven to be a pretty swell choice. She passed her first round of testing (yes! one hurdle down) and from reports from the office staff she was "really nice." Okay folks, this is good. I like a girl with a nice personality who gets along with people, it just makes things run a whole lot smoother.

Choosing a donor is just an experience that was very difficult for me. Not because of the situation itself that leads me to need donor eggs in the first place, but because of lack of connection. I wanted to be anonymous...I still do. But I also am a person who likes to connect to people in a real way. What's April like when she's happy? What's she like when she's stressed? Does she have a "story" ? (Everyone has a story of course.) It's all just odd not to have those pieces of the puzzle together in my head...and ultimately my heart I think.