The Brief Note.....

So, if I had thought so many years ago in high school I could never get pregnant, perhaps I would have lived a wild and crazy lfie during my teens. As it stands now, I was fairly a good girl, but maybe I should have lived it up!

Okay, so I know that's not really a reality. And the truth be told, had I actually gotten pregnant when I was 17, I would have been in a hell of a mess. I probably wouldn't be where I am today, and I think I would be with that freak Mike! *shudder*

I am infertile. There, I said it in text. I can't reproduce, I can't have babies, I can't bring life into the world. Usually thoughts right after that were...I'm broken. I mean god, I did feel broken. Let's face it....all my other friends grew up, got married, had babies. How hard is this life plan? I went into pediatric nursing as a career for pete's sake! Do you think the Universe just didn't get the memo from me? "What?...you want a child? Oh, I'm sorry, didn't hear you. I was too busy with making sure this crackhead woman over here got pregnant with her 3rd child."

Yeah, that's how bitter I am sometimes. And I see it every day where I work. I tell myself that comparing apples to oranges just isn't healthy. However, when I see the orange I want to peel her and squeeze juice out of her, leaving her a shriveled up mess on the floor.

So if you've read this far, I'm not sure what you've gleened at all about me. Let's see if I can feel in some other vital stats.

Me:
39 (JUST, btw....I'm a Cancer, bday is in June)
in a serious relationship (god, I hope so right!...)
TTC for 10 years (for those of you "infertility savvy" that means "trying to concieve")
5 IVF's/1 Ectopic (so...I have had 5 in-vitro fertilizations (*think petri dish*) and 1 was successful, but was an ectopic pregnancy in which I almost bled to death)

Isn't infertility fun?

Actually,....it sucks. Not just sucks.....it realllllly sucks. I am about to embark on a new cycle with a donor egg. I thought it might be good for me (cathartic, so they say) to blog my experiences as I go through them. With that said.....